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OK : Warning this is going to be a really rough draft.  But I've been thinking about this for years and I'm finally getting to the point where I can sorta-write about it.  I know - I come up with big Ideas, but it can take months/years to say them - it makes for sucky conversation.  And the latest post on SM-F triggered this.  Because I see one attitude in rape and the other in BDSM I guess.

One of the things that bugs me is the way stoicism gets put up on some pedestal and masochism gets dragged through the dirt.

Stoicism - going into a bad situation DESPITE the fact that you hate it for the benefit of others.

Masochism: going into a bad, dangerous, scary, difficult situation BECAUSE it's something you can enjoy or get something out of that might benefit other people.

It seems that the first one makes you a hero, the second one makes you a creep.

I can't afford to be stoic, it's like my mortal enemy.  I see myself stuck in a bad situation that I don't want to be in, frozen because I should just be self sacrificing and put up with it.  Going Numb. I see myself turning away from enjoyable things (that others might even appreciate me doing) because I might enjoy them and that would be sick.

Or dancing trough flames, unharmed.  A plant rooted in bare rock, my face turned towards the unmitigated sun, the monsoon deluge.
(Or in Dune, transforming the Water from poison into the stuff of visions ;) )

Numbness and pain, or joy.

My experience with SM and Hypersensitivity/Aspergers actually are mutually beneficial because they both show how to enjoy myself even if it means doing something different than other people find enjoyable.  I can put a soft limit on sustained social interaction and noisy places (and cold :( ).  I can fully enjoy 100+ temperatures.  My body can perform miracles, It Comes First.  No matter if what it wants is not what it's supposed to.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 14th, 2009 03:25 am (UTC)
This is awesome. May I crosspost it there?
May. 14th, 2009 10:36 pm (UTC)
Sure, I just went through it and cleaned it up. Feel free.
Thank you.
Jan. 23rd, 2011 10:57 am (UTC)
Wise. It took me too many years of horrific pain due to hypersensitivity before I chose to be brave enough to cross what is socially acceptable or expected in order to simply survive, or not suffer just to 'fit in'. I am not as familiar with SM and how that connects but would be interested.

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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